Showing up for someone with mental illness

Listen without judgement 

If someone's mental health is not so good, listening carefully and without judgement is the best way to show kindness and compassion. You don’t have to agree with them - just try to understand how they feel. Many people just want to be heard. 

Before you start the conversation, try to find somewhere where you are both comfortable and can talk freely without being interrupted. 

• Speak honestly, and don't be afraid to ask open-ended questions.
   
• Try to stay calm, even if what you are hearing is distressing – this can help to keep the other person calm, and reassure them that they can talk to you. 
   
• Remember, you don't have to have all the answers; you can just listen. Try to be patient and give them space to talk, without jumping in to try to find solutions. You can even ask "do you want me to help to fix this, or do you want me to just listen?"
   
• Check in to make sure you have understood what is being said, e.g. by asking, "am I understanding you properly, you feel..."
   
• Keep showing up. Everyone is different, but for some people it can be really helpful if they continue with their existing routines or plans. For others, they might need some adjustments. Either way, keep showing up, even if the person appears distant at times. 
   
• Take some time for yourself - talking about mental health can be challenging. We have resources on how to cope when supporting someone else.

Offer practical support 

• It can feel overwhelming going to speak to your GP about your mental health, especially if you haven’t done this before. You could offer to go to this appointment with your loved one, or help them to prepare for their appointment. 

• If the person you are supporting is going through the process of getting a diagnosis or receiving support, they might have a lot of paperwork and information to keep track of. You could help them to keep this organised, for example making sure they have appointments and prescription reminders in their calendar, and that any notes are stored somewhere safe. 

• If they have a diagnosis, or are in the process of trying to get a diagnosis, you might want to find out more about specific conditions on our mental health problems pages. 

• If your loved one is experiencing thoughts of suicide, you could help them to make a safe plan to use when they need it most. If you are seriously worried about their safety, call 999. 

• There are lots of other practical things you can support with – for example offering to drive them to appointments, helping with childcare, or cooking or cleaning for them. 

What if they say they don’t want my help? 

It can be difficult to stay patient and supportive when someone says they don’t want your help. 

There are lots of reasons why someone might push you away when they’re having a difficult time, and you can’t force them to open up. 

The best thing to do in this situation is to reassure them, and to let them know that you’re there if they change their mind. You can also still offer some of the practical support mentioned.  

It can be really distressing watching someone you care about struggle, so do look after yourself too. 

What if it's an emergency?

If you have serious concerns for someone's safety, it's important to call 999 and to alert the most appropriate service for the situation. Here are some things to look out for:

• The person can't keep themself safe or they are putting themself, or someone else, in harm's way.
   
• The person is showing sudden or extreme behaviour change.
   
• They have disappeared or their whereabouts are unknown.

If the person is safe for now, it's important to remember that you are unlikely to be able to solve all of their problems, but you can help them to access further support or services.

The following services offer confidential support from trained staff and volunteers. You can talk about anything that is troubling you, no matter how difficult: