Susan’s story
As Redhall celebrates 40 years of mental health support, Susan shares how the garden helped save her life and return to work after nearly a decade.
“Have you heard of Glimmers? They’re little things that make up happiness. They make us go, ‘Oh, that’s lovely’.
“Before Redhall, I felt suicidal and nearly lost my life. Now, I find wonder in these little things.”
Susan lost her career due to workplace bullying, leaving her out of work for eight years. She developed severe depression, anxiety, and thoughts of suicide. Then, a chance encounter with SAMH’s Redhall Walled Garden changed her life.
“I used to walk along the water of Leith, and one day I wondered, ‘What’s behind that wall?’. One of the gardeners called me over and asked if I wanted to work outside. I was shy, quiet, and I didn’t trust people back then.
“I had no support from anyone. I waited 18 months for a mental health assessment and a further six months for CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), which ended after little over a month. I had endured several abusive relationships, [and] I felt like everything had gone wrong.
“Redhall turned out to be the only place that could get me support.”
Susan picked up a watering can and began growing her own vegetables. Meanwhile, the Redhall team helped her return to work and stay there despite her health challenges.
“The team at Redhall helped me find a pathway into employment by improving my confidence, navigating from a place of illness to wellness. And that’s really helped me flourish.
“I got a part-time job again as I turned 50. It felt amazing to finally be back. However, no sooner had I finished my induction than I had a heart attack.
“I was taken up in an ambulance, and I thought, “I don’t want to die in this corridor.” I had an urge to fight again. Before Redhall, I had wanted to die.”
With SAMH’s support, Susan managed to stay in her job, which she continues to this day.
“When I come into the garden, I feel safe.”
“It’s given me a place to relax, and I’ve grown a wide range of vegetables, from potatoes to beans, and the most extraordinary flowers. Growing sunflowers in particular just fills me with joy. They’re like happy flowers. You see them and just can’t help but smile.”
“The team have helped with that kind of ‘life laundry’ stuff. I’m eligible for a free bus pass, and [I found] the system incredibly difficult to navigate. They came in here and did it for me, and that card has made a world of difference for me getting about."
“Redhall has had funding challenges, and that’s why I want to support them. The impact of that is people like me could die, and so we need to support places like this. Redhall has helped me reclaim who I am, and reclaim pride in who I am. Joy was really missing, and Redhall has sparked joy in me.
“I now appreciate the little glimmers in life again.”
