Siobhan’s Story

Hi, my name is Siobhan and I’m 45 years old.

I have been dealing with chronic back pain for just over five years now, which has negatively impacted my mental health.

I’ll tell you a bit about my story.

Prior to the chronic pain, I was a very fit, healthy and strong 39-year-old. I attended the gym and fitness classes every morning before work. My biggest passions at the gym were weightlifting and Pilates — very different types of exercise, but they complemented each other perfectly. I ran my own baking and cake decorating business, concentrating mostly on wedding cakes, and I honestly couldn’t have been happier. After 17 years of working in finance and the daily grind, I had found my joy in a career that I loved. I also had an amazing work-life balance, which allowed me time to work on myself. Life was great.

One morning, I leaned over to brush my teeth and something in my back just pinged — like an elastic band snapping under too much pressure.

Unfortunately, this was the start of a very long, frustrating and, for me, devastating journey, losing all of the things that I love.

I attended my local GP practice, where I was prescribed painkillers and referred for physiotherapy. The waiting time was roughly six months. As I was in so much pain, I couldn’t wait this long and, at the time, I was in a financially secure position, so I could afford to attend a private physio. Nothing helped. What followed was a very long three years of scans, blood tests, consultants and specialists, but with no diagnosis — and the pain was now unbearable.

One evening, I lost feeling in my arms and legs, which led to an A&E visit and the devastating realisation that I could no longer continue with the amazing business I had built from scratch and run for 10 years. That was almost three years ago, and I haven’t been able to work since. This is when my mental health rapidly declined.

I couldn’t work doing the job that I loved, I couldn’t attend the gym, and I couldn’t even walk my dog. Slowly, all of the things that I loved and enjoyed about my life disappeared.

Again, I attended my GP, who was lovely but just didn’t have the resources to properly help me. Therefore, I was diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety, which led to me being medicated. The medication took time to work and made me feel like a zombie. Every day, it was a chore just to get myself out of bed. I felt I had no routine, no purpose and no reason to be here. I developed extreme social anxiety and stopped socialising with my friends. The thought of being in a noisy, crowded room completely overwhelmed me and led to shortness of breath and heart palpitations — panic attacks were never formally diagnosed, but I’m sure that’s what they were.

At this point, there was still no diagnosis for my back pain — it was almost as if no one believed me, and that I was imagining it all. The dosage of pain medication, antidepressants and anxiety medication continued to increase. Luckily, I have the most supportive husband, who stood by me every step of the way and kept pushing for treatment and a diagnosis. I was on a cocktail of painkillers, muscle relaxers, antidepressants and sleeping tablets, all of which made me feel so, so tired all of the time, with zero energy.

In 2024, a diagnosis finally came. After pushing for, and paying privately for, an MRI scan of my full torso, it was discovered that I had multiple fibroids that were pressing on a nerve. The solution was a full open hysterectomy to remove everything. The relief I felt at being believed — and that there was actually something wrong — was overwhelming. In July 2024, the procedure was carried out. Unfortunately, it became clear after recovering from surgery that this was not what was causing my back pain.

At this point, my mental health was at its lowest and I had lost all hope that I would ever feel like myself again. This was when Time for You was recommended to me through a friend of a friend.

I had tried medication, physio, acupuncture, cupping, surgery, exercise, rest, reflexology and massage — the lot — but I had never tried therapy. I was sceptical that therapy could help with chronic pain. I felt that I had nothing to lose and, as I was at my lowest mood most of the time, I decided to reach out. I am so, so glad I did. After an initial consultation to go over my case, I was assigned a therapist. I would have the same therapist throughout my eight free sessions and could have my sessions as often or as spaced out as I liked. It would all be online, so I didn’t need to worry about how I would manage to attend.

Every week was different, and Marie would always discuss with me how I wanted the session to go and what we should concentrate on. There were exercises on how to help deal with the pain, how to manage my day or week, how to get the most out of the things that I could manage to do, and always celebrating the small wins. My favourite exercise was called ‘visualisation and grounding’, which I’ve used multiple times. This is when you imagine you are in your happy place, and you can use a smell, taste, sound or feeling to really feel like you are there. It can help if you are dealing with a difficult situation or if you need to calm your emotions.

We also discussed ‘boom or bust’. This really opened my eyes to how I was living my life — always trying to get everything done, ending up doing too much, and then the pain cycle would start all over again. Marie helped me see that I could break my activities down into smaller chunks and also do things that were low risk but high reward. This meant that I could still achieve things and feel great that I had managed them without pushing myself too far.

At the same time as therapy, after a year of pushing for scans, tests and referrals, I had another MRI of my hips. Another diagnosis came — the joints in my sacrum had separated, and this was causing the nerve pain. This resulted in three further surgeries to my spine, all of which I had to be awake for. This was a huge worry for me, which I discussed with Marie.

Marie provided coping mechanisms to help me get through the surgeries, and I will honestly be forever grateful. Without the exercises and techniques she taught me, I really don’t think I would have got through them as successfully as I did. I used my visualisation and grounding technique to get me through each one.

It’s now over five years on from my first day of pain. I’m not fixed, and given my latest diagnosis, I probably won’t be. But I’m managing much better. I’ve taken what Time for You and Marie have taught me and apply it to my everyday life. I am now also working with an incredible physiotherapist who is helping me achieve small goals every week.

I know that I won’t ever lift heavy weights again at the gym, and I know I won’t get my baking business back. But I have adapted my life and my goals to what I can now achieve — my new normal. My physiotherapist helps with this by constantly pushing me outside my comfort zone. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, and that’s OK. We don’t always need to win — sometimes failing helps us understand our limits and what we can do well. It’s helped me see FAIL as ‘First Attempt In Learning’.

I’m still not pain-free, and I do still have bad mental health days, but I have been given the tools to try and make things feel just that bit better.

My main takeaways from all of this are:

• There is always hope, and there is always help. People just need to know where to find it. If you don’t have a support system at home, or you live alone, or you feel you have no one — Time for You can help. I found their support invaluable, even with an amazing home support system, and it has really helped me adapt my life in a way that allows me to see a brighter future, even with chronic pain.
• Keep pushing for a diagnosis. No one knows your body and mind like you do. You know when something is wrong, and it may take a second, third or fourth opinion, but keep pushing. You will find the right person who can help.
• Mental health needs to be more of a focus. Time for You is an amazing programme that is part of Scottish Association for Mental Health, but they need more funding for marketing to ensure they are reaching the people who need them. It should be a programme that is available to all, and one that GPs are aware of and willing to share with their patients.
• Don’t be scared to try therapy. It absolutely will not hurt or make your situation worse. It’s OK if it isn’t for you, but there is no harm in trying.
• Help and support can come from the most surprising places — sometimes even outside your own support network.
• Use all the support and help that is available to you. Sometimes this might mean asking what you have access to, but always ask the question — there could be something out there that could really help you.